November 11th, 2003 browsing by day


Tuesday, November 11th, 2003

Fuck My Family

For a very long time i’ve been saying i’m insane. well, i changed my mind. i think i’m the only one in my family who’s sane. today my sister walked out on my dad and walked home. that takes balls, you say. no, i say. that is the cowardly way out. that is the ‘me me me i’m a selfabsorbed bitch’ way out. so now… now… things are going to be fucked up. i dont know whats going to happen but it aint going to be pretty. this is going to fuck things over. it’s going to fuck me over. and i’ve been putting up with all this in hopes to calm things down and fix stuff. i’ve also learned that both my parents are bastards who cant be trusted or relied on. who have lied to me repeatedly and will keep doing so. who are in this for all the wrong reasons: power. money.

i hate my family. i dont want to go back to the hotel and face my dad, i dont want to go back home and be with my mom. i want to go move in with emily or katie or kathy or ANYBODY.

i’m tired of this mess. and most of all, i’m tired of not being able to get online and talk to my friends for hours when i’m tired and stressed and sad and angry and confused to get advice and calm down. i’m tired of not even being able to go somewhere private (like my room) and being able to be by myself. i’m tired of having to keep up this facade from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep. and when i’m at school i stay cheerful. because who wants to be around a depresso? so i’ll be happy because it makes other people happy and that makes me feel better. really all i want to do is just collapse on top of someone and lay there for days while just dumping and dumping and dumping everything off my chest….

fuck everything. i’m so damn tired…

thank you ian. thank you drew. thank you gentry.

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