March 9th, 2004

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Tuesday, March 9th, 2004

Hussainfeld

So my dad faxed this over to me, and i think it’s pretty funny, so i thought i’d share it with you guys. it’s about british tv shows.. so i guess it wont be as funny to you guys as it is to me, but i’m preceding it with a little guide to some popular tv shows in britain so you can understand their taliban equivilants

Sky Digital – very popular ‘cable’ (of sorts) provider in the uk (they dont really have cable.. it supplies hundreds of extra channels, though)

Songs of Praise – a programme that consists pretty much of hymns being sung in different churches around Britain by different choirs while the camera pans serenely long the choir and to pictures like candles burning. to help you sing along words to the hymns appear along the bottom of the screen

Dad’s Army – an old comedy about the WW2 homefront, when people too old/sick/disabled to actually join the army and fight set up ‘dad’s army,’ to defend britain against the nazis in case they invaded. usually took over a church as headquarters and drilled with whatever weapons they could get their hands on.

Ready, Steady, Go! – arts and crafts programme, showing how to do things, like make picture frames and such

Panorama – a news-like programme, concentrating on one current event in the world in-depth

Only Fools and Horses – a comedy about two grown brothers (Del-Boy and Rodney) who run a business on the black market trying to sell anything and everything

Blue Peter – a kids news-type show which hit its peak back when my dad was a kid and was famous for it’s charity appeals (milk bottle tops are often were collected)

University Challenge – game show where college-age kids ask questions and try and win for their school

I Love (year) – ex: I Love 1985 – a show covering the events from a year in the past

Question Time – public are asked questions about what they think of current events/leaders in britain

Coronation Street – soap opera

EastEnders – soap opera

Holiday – team of people go different places reporting on activites, hotels, weather, beaches, etc

Top of the Pops – UK song charts, top ten songs (ranked by singles’ sales) perform, number 1 being last and very anticipated

Big Brother – cant remember if this came over here or not? people are put into a house and cameras kept on them all the time, slowly they’re voted off one by one

Stars in their Eyes – super-karaoke where people who can sing like a celeb are given celeb-like makeovers to look like whomever they’re imitating then perform their song

They Think it’s All Over – sports-related game show, in the ‘feel the sportsman’ round, players have to guess the sportsman’s identity by touch alone

The South Bank Show – artsy-type show where people look at and examine paintings, literature, poetry and the like

and now, without further delay:

Taliban TV

ONLY AVAILABLE TO SUBSCRIBERS OF SKY DIGITALIBAN

06.00 G-Had TV. Morning prayers.

06.30 Talitubbies. Talitubies say ‘Ah-ah.’ Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.

09.00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers.

11.00 Jihad’s Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.

12.00 Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.

12.30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on America’s attempts to take over the world.

13.30 Xena: Modestly Dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some cooking.

14.00 Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.

14.30 Green Peter. The total number of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.

15.00 Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. ‘Starter for ten, no praying.’

15.30 I love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophets entry into Mecca and the destruction of pagan idols.

16.00 Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.

17.00 Koranation Street. Deidre faces execution by stoning for adultery.

17.30 Middle EastEnders. The entire cast is jailed for unIslamic behaviour.

18.00 Holiday. The team go on a pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.

18.30 Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?

19.00 Who Wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarrant asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go ‘inshallah’, or ask the Islamic council?

20.00 FILM: Shariah’s Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.

21.30 Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?

22.30 Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidels.

23.30 They Think it’s Allah Over. Quiz culminating in the ‘don’t feel the Mullah’ round.

00.00 When Imams Attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.

00.30 The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti in the occupied territories.

01.30 Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.

02.00 The Gaza Strip. The adult hour where couples discuss their favourite strategic positions.

03.00 A Book at Bedtime. The Koran. Again.

hm.. i dont know if that was worth all that typing up… but i still think it’s funny : )

have a nice day everyone.

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