‘Round the Old Oak Tree
and so we’re still zipping right along.
it seems really strange to me that i’m sitting here in the same position as all those i watched last year were in. looking to make hell of the last few days, straightening out college plans, planning for prom, and actually glimpsing graduation through what i could say were lined and weary eyes, but are really lazy and half-closed eyes.
wow, the end is nigh. and i feel excited. and i feel tired. and i feel pangs of sadness. i especially feel sad when i’m sitting in hosa, being a complete weirdo, or telling kelly baxley in french ‘the nazis are watching!’, or that blessed lovely time at the end of calc where mr bond wanders among us in his funny way, making humorous comments about my ‘rice’ sweatshirt and from time to time breaking into ‘emma bemma bo bemma banana fama fo femma, me mi mo memma, emma!’ – the only person besides my mom i’ve ever known to do that. lunches planning world domination with katie, beginning of 8th period talks with kathy.. the comfort of knowing very well the randomly ticking mechanism that is lamar high school. i am senior, hear me roar!
i’ll miss these times a lot. they are happy times with happy friends, friends i have bonded with so very closely. every year i have felt some remorse at the breakup of a class that was exceptionally fun, but at least i knew i’d be scrambled with the same people the next year, and that at least one of my classes would probably be another jackpot. well, i s’pose there’s a chance that some class i have next year might be fun, but i really dont know how college works, and i really dont know what the chances of this are. really, i will miss being with my bonded friends. even if i make some friends next year, they wont be close, like the friends i have here. i have acquaintences at lamar, too, but i always know i can turn to kathy or katie if times get rough or i just need to yammer on for a while. with acquaintences, there is a certain amount of give and take that must be kept balanced, and there are taboo things, and you cant get too fire-and-brimstone on any subject that they disagree with you on, or you’ve lost them as an acquaintence, whereas with good friends you can yell all day and still be just as close come nightfall.
i’m excited about offing to southwestern, indeed. the prospect of a car, my own little world, no mom nagging me, etc, are all tantalizing my teenage-ness, but i view college as being a very lonely place. perhaps during the day with classes and activities i can keep myself busy enough not to notice so much, but as things quieten down in the eveningtime (and yes, they will quiet down, for me at least, i am no party person) or some weekend i’m stuck down there, how can i help but miss being able to call a friend a few minutes away and going on some spur-of-the-moment something?
these last few weeks are shaping up to be fun, though. time is whizzing past. in just a few days it’ll be the awards ceremony – prom – finals – last day of school – graduation BAM! over. the suddenness of change is something i never liked. when i was little i hated the way when my dad came to visit he was BAM! here and then a week later BAM! gone. it seemed like there should be some ceremony, some gradual transmission, not just him zooming out of sight round the corner of rocky canyon with a beep-beep on his horn and a hand out the window and back to normal life. of course, me, i never liked change, but eh, it keeps on happening anyway, reguardless of what i think of it.
i am in no hurry to get out of arlington, as many were last year. i like arlington. it’s comfortable to me, i know it. it’s my little place, my little habitat in this world. the little place i can call home. i will miss arlington when i’m in georgetown, even though i can come back to visit. but there’s one thing i will really, really, really miss. i will miss my house and my space. see, i am blessed to live near butler, because i can venture there whenever i want. so, instead of growing up with just my house and my yards, i grew up with my back yard, my house, my front yard, butler, gibbons park, and the woods. i know butler and gibbons like the back of my hand. i’ve been around it, watched it change and grow and shrink, watched the land between gibbons and butler take different shapes as the rain washes it, watched the grass be cut and grow back, cut and grow back, watched bushes of clover sprout and then be weeded away, only to slowly appear dotted around 5 years later, watched the giant ant colonies get buried and disappear at the hands of children and rocks and then winter, only to come back every time, every year. i walk lady three or four times a week around this land of mine, always watching it. it’s a little break from the world, wandering around this place i know so well. especially at this time of year, when it’s warm, but not too warm. walking through the calf-high grass, listening to the frogs at the creek and watching the grasshoppers buzz and jump out of my way with every step. feeling the warm pillowy breeze rise from the soccer field and kneeling to draw with my finger in the silky soft sand behind the far goalpost. i will miss this time i have every week in this place i know so well, walking lady, very, very much. southwestern is very pretty, with all it’s green lawns and bushy trees, but it’s all cultured, domesticated. around butler, it’s still half-wild.
i adore familiarity with nature. i’ll miss it.