I Hate Change
As some of you might have noticed, I adjusted my blog to line up to then new blogger bar at the top, since it messed up my spacing when they moved it, and I updated some links.
I’m thinking of changing my template soon, I’ve been working a little on a new one, one that’ll look ok at a variety of resolutions, instead of just my resolution, but for simplicity and time I’m modifying an existing blogger template, and so far I’m not happy with the little I’ve changed it, I like to make my template’s mine in whatever way.
I’ve been meaning to put this up for some time, but I have a space by my bed with lots of pictures of people, mostly ones I know. I would like to get more pictures of my friends up, so if you’d like to send me a picture, I shall stick it up, and then have a lovely collage of people.
I’ve met a girl down the hall called Amanda, who also hails from Arlington and went to Martin.. small world. But not really, considering 99.999% of my school came from Texas. We’ve got a girl from South Africa and a girl from New Mexico on my hall, and that’s about it. Oh well. At least we’ve got people from all over Texas..??
I went rock climbing last Saturday for a full day, and it was really fun. I’d forgotten how much I enjoy rock climbing. We drove way out in the middle of nowhere, through this area that was green, had hills, a lake, and palm trees. It was like California or something. Weird. Then back into Texas, and trekked on challenging trail to a nice steep rock face, where we climbed. I’m going to go with the rock climbing guild tomorrow to an indoor climbing place.
Blarg. I just have nothing to write. Nothing exciting happens, I mostly sit around and study and study and chat on AIM and read. This time last year all the ex-senior’s blogs were exploding with news about college, so I guess that just proves one more time and I’m not for college and college isn’t for me. At least I’m going home Oct 1st for Lamar homecoming and the weekend after that for fall break. If you’re going to be at homecoming let me know, though I already know that will be nobody. Mostly I am going cuz I like those songs the band plays. Eye of the tiger, and the other ones. I’m addicted. It’s sad.
I’m homesick, though not in the gut-wrenching way I was at first.. now just a dull ache and overhanging sadness, and I really want to go home. I’m ready for Christmas, and summer, when I can return to my true abode. This dorm will never be my home, it’s not the definition of home to me. Simply a place I must stay until I can get my own apartment or whatnot. I miss my friends, I miss seeing all the people I saw on a daily basis. I really cant get into my head that’ll never happen again. I keep thinking, once this is over, I’ll get to go back and see everybody, joke in class with Kathy again, say hi to people in the hall again, be in the classrooms of those teachers I know again.. but it’ll never be again. I have a hard time accepting anything like that. I just can never accept never. Apart from when it’s accepting that I can never accept never. When somebody dies, or goes away for good, or things change for good, I can never believe they won’t go back. I always keep that shred of hope, no matter how stupid it is, I can’t just give up. Maybe somebody will screw up space and time while messing with some formulas they shouldn’t be, and I’ll wake up in my own bed, going back to Lamar. I really would trade that for this.. the freedom is nothing more, the classes not that much cooler, the workload harder, and the friends so many fewer. It’s moments like this when I feel so truely alone. No one around for miles and miles that I truely know. I guess I shouldn’t really say that since I know some people less than 30 minutes away, at UT. But even that seems worlds away, and those people have friends of their own, which means strangers I would have to be cordial with in order to interact with those I know. And yea, I’ve had enough of strangers to last me a lifetime. Throw at me familiarity. In buckets. In tonnes.