March, 2005

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Emma Deux

Thursday, March 31st, 2005

So Ctrl+Alt+Del brought in a new character recently:

Her name is… Emma! She says things like “What makes you think I give a shit about your needs as a consumer?” and has conversations like:
“So, do I even get to know your name?”
“Gee, you would have thought the nametag would be a dead giveaway. But since you ask, my name is Emma.”
“Are you going to ask my name?”
“Eh, I figured you’d tell me sooner or later.”
She is described as “…for lack of a better word, interesting.”

I like her.
Usually I’m against people having the same name as me, because I’m possessive about my name, but she’s cool.

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Find Me the Point

Wednesday, March 30th, 2005

Sometimes I can stand this school. Other times I hate it. Despise it. This comes at times, mostly, when I am reminded of how far away I am from people I want so badly to see. It happens also at times like late this afternoon. I started walking, enjoying the evening sun and long shadows, making a game of staying in the sun, and I happened to cross paths with two guys. They were not particularly attractive, nor did they look very athletic. They weren’t wearing brand-name or stylish clothes. They looked a little nerdy, but not like gamers or geeks. Just normal people. The kind that make up so much of the bland majority of Lamar. I only realise how much I miss normal people when I come across the few here at Southwestern, which can be not very often at all. So many preppy, so many jocky, so many hippy. There seems to be a lack of originality here, a lack of those who’ve been shunned by society just enough to come up with their own unique way of looking at the world. A school of clones. That’s where I feel I am. But it’s a good school. Where is the balance? People, or school? Teachers, or students? Atmosphere or environment? Life seems like an endless task at trying to figure out what outweighs what, which is more important, what needs more attention, what counts more. I’m tired of all the balancing.

On my walk, a strange thing happened. I sat on a little hill, a knoll, I suppose, for a while, staring North, until it started to get cool. You can see for miles looking North from SU, becuase it’s so flat, and we seem to be on a little bump in the ground. If there were any distinguishing landmarks, instead of just water and radio towers, I might be able to tell you how far, but since every town looks the same from afar, and I know I can’t see the Metroplex or Waco, I have no clue. I started walking back to the dorm, and suddenly, to my left, there was a combination of feelings and smell, mostly from my left, that made me think of Scotland. Aberdeen. Whinhill Gate. Sitting on the grassy hill near our garage, ‘behind the flats’, though that part of the hill isn’t actually behind the flats. Clover. Daisies. Cool grass. Bright evening sun, but cool air, cool breeze, the sun is warm, but you can’t quite feel it because the air is sucking up the heat. You don’t want to put on your jacket because you want to let your arms enjoy the sunshine, it doesn’t seem right to cover them, it seems like a surrender to the fact that the day is slipping away. That’s what came to mind as I walked, suddenly. I stopped, enjoying it. Then, a puff of air blew from my right. Hot, dry, ‘oven air.’ The kind I associate with Texas. Arlington. Airport. Butler. The kind that tries to choke me as I step from land of rolling wet green hills, rain, and cold winds, to cool, dry, sanitized airplane air, to Texas. As I walked through Aberdeen, clouds of Texas air puffed on me from time to time. It was unusual, but I think it was fitting. I think very few, if any, realise what a torn girl I am. Nobody likes to look beyond considering that if I dare be anything but completely grateful for my opportunities I must be a spoiled, ungrateful brat. I am grateful. But that doesn’t mean I’m not torn. I don’t wish I was only from one place. The thought of that horrifies me, I even can’t imagine it. I’m not belittling it, I know it’s the case for the vast majority – my mom, dad, little brother and sisters, even – and I know it’s not horrible. It’s just not within my brain to imagine living any one place, having to choose. This will cause me trouble in the future, I know, so don’t bother telling me. I’m not asking for pity, simply stating my case. I’ll figure it out on my own.

This school is not home, it will never be home. A house here will never be a home. This school is a smiling face with a hollow inside.

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Modulation and I Hold a High Noooooooooote

Wednesday, March 30th, 2005

Above title compliments of Da Vinci’s Notebook lyrics.

So I’ve not been around a while, I know. Life’s been busy. Firstly, I finally have pictures up for you to see:
Go see them
I know not if this link will work, please let me know if it doesn’t, cuz due to me being me, and the thing knowing it’s me, I can’t test it from my computer (and am too lazy to go around erasing cookies and whatnot).

Anyway, I have a headachish thing now, so I’ll post later. Sorry.

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I Scratched My Nails Down My Face

Friday, March 18th, 2005

Hi, I’m back from Brazil. It was a fun trip. We flew to Miami, then Rio de Janeiro, where we met my Dad. Spent a few days in Rio, then flew to Fez de Iguacu, where we saw Iguacu falls. Then flew to Sao Paulo the afternoon of the last day, and from then back to DFW. It’s an 8 hour flight from Sao Paulo to DFW, leaving at 11pm Sao Paulo times (-3 GMT (3 hours ahead of DFW)) and arriving 6am DFW time. Yea I know that doesn’t add up just perfectly. Don’t ask me why, that’s just the way it is. Anyway, I recommend Brazil to everyone, it’s great. I especially recommend Iguacu Falls, they’re considered in the top three most spectacular falls in the world, along with Niagra and Victoria falls. If you go though, go to the Argentinian side, they have a much better set up for viewing them than the Brazilians. Anyway, I’ll post pictures later.

On other notes, I don’t like life much, and I hate school. I don’t want to ever go back. Maybe I won’t.

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One day you will see clearly:you’ve been knocking on a door without a house*

Wednesday, March 9th, 2005

Yea, yea. I know I should be writing my fem studies paper on gender transgression, but I just had to pause my procrastination of it for a second to spread the glorious word. I’ve fallen in love with Dannon DanActive Vanilla, A probiotic cultured dairy drink with L.casei. It has two of my most favorite things: 1) live bacteria 2) good taste.
For some reason unknown to scientists, I love knowing I’m eating live bacteria (of the kind that is not going to harm me… live, good bacteria). It makes me giggle uncontrollably. Imagining all the little bacteria sliding down my throat. Am I evil? I don’t think so, I know they aren’t going to die or anything. Maybe it’s knowing I’m enslaving them for my own purposes.
I also love good taste, as could be expected. But I love the taste of this stuff. It’s cool, smooth, vanilla-y.. sweet.. goodness. I adore it. I wish it came in gallon jugs instead of little dinky 3.3oz (100mL) bottles. I’d drink all four little bottles in one sitting, but I don’t want to give those bacteria the upper hand or anything. Anyway, it’s like a nightly treat.

Like this but not Strawberry, Vanilla.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m going to Rio de Janeiro for spring break with Libby (my sis) to meet up with my dad, who’s down there currently on a business trip.

I am looking forwards to seeing this statue: Christ the Redeemer

I’m looking forwards to going, I like warm places that are not Texas, and I’ve admired the Christ the Redeemer statue from my dad’s postcards since I was tiny, so it’s a treat to get to go see it for real. (If you can’t tell scale from that picture, it’s HUGE.)

Hopefully we’ll also see these falls, which are on the Argentina/Brazil border

Anyway, I’ll be arriving back in the US early Thursday morning. What’s everyone else up to?

*I got this post title by opening one of my poetry books randomly and taking the first two lines. Yes, it’s my depressing poetry book. This is from ‘The door: anticipation of wisdom’ by Kapka Kassabova

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Marinated, Grilled Sodomy

Thursday, March 3rd, 2005

I swear when I first read the title of this article I read it as Educating America’s Christian Reich. I think it’s more appropriate as that anyway. Note the excellent quote from the girl in the beginning:
“The people are the most important component of a society, and so that’s where the battle for the minds needs to be waged.”
Please tell me I’m not the only one to find that just plain scary?

Freedom of religion seems to be nearing the ends of it’s days. Or at least the full meaning of it. Of course, you can be whatever religion you want, as long as your system of values are exactly the same as the Conservative Christian Reich.

In other news, here are some articles I’ve found recently on BBC that have made me laugh or roll my eyes:
Man Accused of Biting Dog
Girl Eats Again After Seven Years

In other, other news, I went to the grand opening of the brand new Whole Foods World Headquarters in Austin today, with Lauren. One word: WOW! I must go back. I bought things, and they will be so good. Man, I love Whole Foods.

I put up this:
Auto response from Loweaugen: dear emma,
good luck on your biology test! you are awesome!
love emma

I got back this:
got no parachute: dear emma,
good luck on your biology test! you are awesome!
love amanda

happymaigirl: Dear Emma,
Good luck on your biology test! You are awesome!
Love Lauren
ladywolfe4848: dear emma,
ladywolfe4848: good luck on your biology test! you are awesome!
love Shalane

Quote of the week:
In reference to an “Ass-Kabob”:
Lauren: That sounds like marinated, grilled sodomy.

Edit: Wow! I completely forgot the important news that SU now has facebook! Yea… I know, I know, we’re behind. But hey, we’re smaller than Lamar so what can you expect, eh? Anyway, if you haven’t yet, go make me your friend.

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Sugar High

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

Today has been one of my most sugar-packed days. Not ever, but definitely during my time at SU. I won’t divulge all I’ve consumed, it probably isn’t that much compared with what most people eat daily, but to me, it’s lots. For one thing, I ate a KitKat bar this afternoon. A candy bar! This is ludicrous. Those of you who knows me fairly well know I just don’t eat candy bars. For those of you who don’t know me well, it’s not about sugar or fat or calories – none of that – it’s just that I cant take that much sweetness. I’ll eat a packet or half or m&m;’s sometimes, and I can definitely down a Flake (British candy) but it’s very rare for me to eat a whole candy bar, especially in one go. So I guess my body was just like ‘HEY SUGAR!’ today. I feel a little bad, but a little sugar binge once and a while doesn’t hurt you. I’m just going to concentrate really hard tomorrow to cut down on my sugar intake because I know my blood sugar’s gonna crash and boy I’ll be craving – an easy way to get into the habit of eating loads of sugar all the time.

Anyway. Hm. What else. Today is mid-term week pour moi. Bio and Algorithms tomorrow (still much studying to do for both) and Architecture on Thursday (a truckload of buildings to memorize for that). However, this weekend is a going home weekend and I am very thankful for that.

This school stresses me out. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. This is probably the most stressful time period of my entire life. Did other people have/are other people having this experience in their first year on college? Every second of my time off school has to be meticulously planned and replanned since custody rights no longer dictate my time. Got to take everyone, mom, dad, siblings, friends, into account, and hopefully fit myself in there somewhere. Try and find something worth eating in the school cafeteria. Figure out where I’m gonna live next year. Gotta try and study for classes, get my work in on time. Try and get some free time to read or just.. free my brain. Oh, dont forget long-term projects. I donno, a lot of my stressed-ness about schoolwork probably comes from the fact that the more stressed I am, the more time I spent not working – until the last minute, when I go into super-panic mode. It’s like after I pass some point of stressed-ness, my brain and attention span just turn off. Maybe it’s a survival thing. It kinda backfires, though, when I end up beating myself up for failing tests, turning in everything late.. or not turning in anything at all. So I stress more.. do less work.. it’s a downward spiral. I’m working to pull myself out of it, but it’s not easy.

I guess I don’t have much else to say right now.. I miss the highshool days very much. I miss just.. knowing so many people. Just acquaintances, but people I grew up with. And having my awesome girlfriends closeby.

I feel like posting some pictures so here you go:
      

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