January 18th, 2007

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Sleep Deserts Me

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

Odd time to post, I know. I woke up at 4:30 this morning, dozed in and out of spells of sleep until 6, then got up. My alarm should just now be going off (at 8). I don’t have class until 11.

I take this as a sign of perhaps some remaining jet-lag, but considering I’m fairly tired at the moment, more as a sign that after going so long with such a bad quality of sleep, and not being able to sleep more than 4-6 hours, it’s actually impossible for me to sleep more than 6 hours unless I’m very, very tired. It’s also a sign of my continuing crappy sleep. Nightmares, waking up all the time. I have horrible, horrible dreams. Usually at the end of the dream I realise I’m dreaming, so then I have the challenge of waking myself up. Once I actually managed to pinch myself, and what do you know, it worked. Mostly I just have to get one arm to move, or to turn my head. If you’ve ever been in that situation, you know how fucking hard that is. It’s exhausting to wake yourself up, to get your body to obey a dream-bound mind. It feels like you’re trapped in an iron body that can’t be moved.

Sigh. So that’s my sleep situation. That’s why I’m posting – because I’m ready for school and have no reason to leave for another hour and a half at the earliest.

All that hope I mentioned in the last post – it’s pretty much gone. 48 hours, remember? I guess I still have a tad of hope about a few things, but I don’t know, right now things look confusing, sad. So I am confused and sad. I want to be a good friend. I don’t feel like I’m very good at that. I hope I can keep the friendships I have.

Sigh. I’m upset. I’ll just stop here. I worry. I’m sorry.

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