This dude came and spoke in my sociology class about 2 months ago. Had two girls get up so he could demonstrate on them. You can’t trust anybody these days.
I feel hollow inside. I keep continuing to get the short end of the stick. I used to always tell myself, well, you can’t be unlucky forever. It’s been two months now, and I’m still waiting for a break in the domino effect of pain that is my life. I’m exhausted, depressed, and every second of every day is agony. I know people say things like that a lot, “every second is painful,” but we all know that it’s not really true. Honestly, I’d say about 90% of my waking seconds are pain. The other 10% are when I’ve managed to lose myself in a book, orchestra, or the purple bike program. But it doesn’t last long.
I’ve never hated waking up so much. My nights are haunted, but when I first wake up, warm in my bed, I have a general sense of innocence about the world, until it all hits me like a tonne of bricks, every morning, every day.
What I really want is a particular friend. I’ve been going so crazy lately, and I hate myself for it. But then, since I feel so angry at myself and my actions, I go crazy again. It goes in a spiral down. I don’t know. It seems if I had the friendship, even the things that drive rusty steel knives into my heart, perhaps I could face a little more easily.
Please let things get better. Please let there be some ray of hope for me, because right now, I’m trapped in a dark room of broken glass, and there are no doors or windows. Please.