Written by Emma on March 25th, 2004

Happy One Year To Me

yup, that’s why the 25th is so special. click back in the archives and you’ll see that a year ago today i started my little blog. i’m impressed cuz i didnt think i’d be able to keep it going for a year, seriously. i’m no good at that kind of stuff. so we’ve been through two template changes, and here’s another. it’s not perfect yet, i’ve still to work out a few things, and i’m not sure if it’s permanent yet (em likes changing color background.. provides much entertainment..)

to really get the best of this background, please go d/l the font i used here and move it into your WINDOWS->Font folder. believe me, it’s a very pretty font, so it’s worth it! : P


k, so, i read around my little routine of blogs and, as usual, it got me in the mood to post, which is what i wanted it to do so that a) i can escape from calc for a while, and b) i will finally make an actual post

so let’s see… life seems to be not so good right now. the high point in my life right now is Ragnarok, which is really… sad. i guess. i dont know. in 8th grade katie and i used to talk about how cool it would be to do something completely crazy and memorable.. and to do crazy things like hang signs EVERYWHERE in the school.. and Ragnarok is my chance at all this. Today i stayed after school and mr. c ran off like 300 yellow paper flyer-things that katie, oj, and i hung ALL OVER the school. we got one sign for every two urinals, one sign on the back of every girls stall door, and at least two or three on the towel dispensers/mirrors in ALL the bathrooms at lamar. hehe! plus, we just stuck up those flyers everywhere in the hallways. it took about 2 hours and our fingers were sore from ripping and sticking masking tape afterwards, but to walk out of the school and realise there’s not really anywhere you can stand and not see about THREE Ragnarok signs is pretty damn cool. so if this doesnt boost ticket sales.. well.. it will. so there. we’re also getting them to put a sign up on the marquee. so really.. i am just enjoying myself because i’ve got a teachers encouragement, approval, and assistance to go absolutely crazy and do all the things you’re usually not really supposed to do and dont really have the power to do by yourself.

but apart from that, i’m not very happy. my schedule is so freaking busy, and everything is happening at once. i feel really lost in all this clutter, and i feel like everyone is wanting a piece of me at the same time.. really i just want to spend some time with a special person and slow slow SLOW down from all this rushing and stupidness.

so what does my schedule look like, you might ask? well… *takes breath*

- monday was a MAT (mu alpha theta, sorry, i cant be bothered to get greek symbols in there) meeting after school

- tuesday a HOSA meeting at 7:30pm

- wednesday an afterschool NHS meeting to cut up tickets/sign up to sell tickets/think up announcements/talk about marquee/do lots of other stuff

- thursday (today) i stayed after (as told above) till 5:15 hanging posters

- friday there’s a HOSA meeting after school to talk about the blood drive and also the State conference trip

**weekend thank god**

- monday i’ve got to hand out blood drive letters to the elementry schools and then go to the MAT induction ceremony where i’m volunteering to organize inductees to get extra points, and bring cookies

- tuesday there’s an orchestra trip meeting after school at 7:30

- wednesday is, of course, Ragnarok, at 4:00 at lamar. then i’m catching a plane at 8:30 to get in at 9:30 in Houston to meet up with the rest of the HOSA state competitors from lamar who drove down from 3pm after school to 9pm (my mom has kindly agreed to let me fly down there so i dont miss Ragnarok)

- thursday i compete at 1pm at state

- friday hang around in houston

**saturday go to awards and drive back with HOSA, probably getting back in arlington around 11pm

**sunday sleep sleep sleep and do hw and make up work.. ok forget the sleeping part**

- monday get NHS hours for helping to stuff eggs for easter hunt for some kids or something

- tuesday ice skating with HOSA from 7:30 to 9 at american airlines center

- wednesday nothing yet

- thursday HOSA blood drive at school

- friday (no school), undecided, but i’m hoping to fly to LA on friday to spend the weekend with my dad, stepmom, and alice, heather, and kenneth

**sat in LA (or arling)

**sun fly back from LA (or remain in arlington)

- monday nothing yet

- tuesday nothing yet

- wednesday after school, fly to floriday with orchestra // OR not go with orch and be normal

- thursday in florida // be normal

- friday in florida // be normal, physics day at 6 flags, relay for life all night cancer walk with HOSA and math/science

**saturday in florida // sleeping, being normal

**sunday in florida and then fly back to a town // being normal

- monday nothing yet

- tuesday NHS induction


april 23rd, hosa banq

april 27th, NHS service sheets due

sometime soon, orch banq

may 5th, calc BC AP test

may 6th, english AP test

may 15th, prom

may 22nd, HOSA cookout/swimming

may 26th, last day of school

sometime.. graduation

so yea.. i’m feeling the stress. why write all that out?? you might say. well, actually, that helps me keep it in my head clearer, which makes me feel less stressed. what happened to easy fun senior year?? hopefully.. i wont be going on the orch trip. i dont want to go. i know hardly anyone in orchestra, and standing around in disneyworld ALONE for three days just doesnt sound like much fun to me. i’d rather stay here and go to physics day and relay for life. i’m rooming with three girls i dont know, too, so that means… not much fun. problem is, of course, that we’ve already paid. i dont know why i signed up for the orchestra trip.. wishful thinking i’d have friends by now, i s’pose. anyway.. if we can find someone willing to buy my place, then it’s all good, but if not.. well.. then my mom either lets me not go and looses the money or makes me go and looses the money.

about the LA thing.. my dad apparently bought round-the-world tickets for him and my family from britain, so they’re in austrailia right now, having a blast. they’ll be stopping in LA on their way back to London to go to disneyland (what is it with everyone and disneycrap??) and if it doesnt look like i’ll be going on the orch trip then i’d really like to see my little sisters and bro… but being gone three weekends in a row wouldnt be good.. i’d be exhausted. i hope somebody buys my place.. please.. please….

natalie’s cancer has been diagnosed. she has ewings sarcoma, which has a 2/3 long-term survivor rate in kids-teens-young adults (she’s 21). she’s got it in her pelvis, though, and that makes the survival rate lower… it’s also 8cms big and has probably gone undiagnosed for 2-3 years.. not so happy. they started her on chemo last night as soon as she arrived in austin. she has at least 6-9 months of chemo ahead of her, and the doctors have told her mom and her mom’s husband (who is not natalie’s biological father — neither is LA her biological father, but her dad ran off when she was young, pretty much, and LA pretty much raised her and supported her and went to all her cheerleading stuff and stuff) to move to austin.. cuz they’ll be down there a while.

can you imagine? one minute you’re in college going along just dandy, all with a great internship lined up for the summer, your whole life ahead of you, making 4.0s in your classes.. you go to the doctor cuz your backs acting up again and suddenly you’re in austin with cancer on chemo with less than 2/3 chance of being a long term survivor. no more school, no more classes, no more friends, no more anything for at least 6-9 months. it would just be… *shakes head*. that would be so hard. it would suck so, so much. just to have everything sucked away from you that fast, your life completely revamped before your eyes. *sigh* i hardly know the girl.. i’ve only met her maybe 3 times, but wow. she is one more reason i would like to do the relay for life instead of going on the orchestra trip.

also, my sister has apparently been having depression issues coming back strong, which is stressing everyone, which is in turn stressing me. school sucks, homework sucks, and both mr c and mrs key are pressing me to go back to updating the websites for the respective clubs. i feel lost. so, so, completely lost and confused. right now i want to curl up on my bed and screw calc, but i dont do enough of my calc hw so i cant do that. i dont know how to find myself when i’m so stuck among all this clutter right now, and everything is being affected by it, from my sleep to my appetite. even this post is so long and so full of everything else that my energy only permits me to devote a few sentances to me and my mental state.


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