Written by Emma on February 23rd, 2004

i’m standing here SCREAMING the obvious and NOBODY IS LISTENING

well. first thing. first thing is, i had a little nosebleed the other day, and i let it drip all over the sink and then took pictures. just to show a little nosebleed. it really was a little nosebleed.. it only lasted 6 minutes and there was only that much blood. the pictures were taken after the blood had sat a while (while i cleaned up my nose and drank some water) so quite a bit of it went down the drain, but you can see about the area it covered, if not the volume. i’ve had much, much, much worse nosebleeds. usually they last about 30 minutes and bleed harder than the one shown. as you can see, that’s a freakin lot of blood. woozy from donating blood my ass. heh : ). so anyway, keep in mind these pictures have (duh) blood in them, yadda yadda, so the weak stomach-ed and mind-ed shouldnt view:

picture 1

picture 2

picture 3

picture 4

so yes. i’m really tired of having nosebleeds.

on other notes: i got my room a little tidy. all my clothes are now not in a huge pile 4 feet tall on my desk.

on other notes: here is a little bit a lot of a convo i had with someone, explaining my extreme dislike of everything in the world… the person i’m conversing with is referred to as ‘[person]‘ and the shit happening right now is referred to as ‘[event]‘ wherever it was referenced… other stuff is blocked out too:

Loweaugen: i’m not mad at you..

Loweaugen: just my mom..

[person]: why?

Loweaugen: my sister might be coming home on wednesday..

Loweaugen: and my mom is going to go to school to talk about changing some of her classes

Loweaugen: which is stupid

Loweaugen: because whether she was in honors or not didnt make [event happen]

Loweaugen: she’s smart enough to handle all honors classes and she’s already dropped bio

Loweaugen: anyway, it’s really stupid she should drop classes before one of the two soccer teams she plays on

Loweaugen: she’s wanted to drop honors for a long time for no reason at all

Loweaugen: now she can make people do it

Loweaugen: what needs to be done is that people need to go to [place] and find out what she was talking about

Loweaugen: that’s the only way to really find out why

[person]: but they can’t

Loweaugen: if [other event] they would have

[person]: yeah.. but [other event didnt happen]

[person]: so it’s unlikely they could easily

Loweaugen: i thought my mom had finally started being smart

Loweaugen: this weekend

Loweaugen: she made the point that elizabeth thinks she’s gonna come home and go back to her same life

Loweaugen: but she cant, she’s not going to

Loweaugen: and i thought ‘good, she’s finally starting to get it’

Loweaugen: but i realise, it doesnt matter. she will anyway, whether my mom intends it now or not.

Loweaugen: everything’ll go back to being just the same

Loweaugen: my mom’s too afraid to enforce anything

[person]: talk to her about it

Loweaugen: so everything’ll be just the same but life’ll be easier for elizabeth

Loweaugen: i try

Loweaugen: she tells me ‘tell me what you think tell me what you think i need to know’

Loweaugen: but she doesnt listen

Loweaugen: she just says that to help her feel better and supposedly help me feel better and so she follows the advice of doctors and crap

Loweaugen: my dad is the only one who’s listened so far

Loweaugen: i hope he comes

Loweaugen: my mom asks me what ithink then she says ‘it’s not your problem’

Loweaugen: ‘it’s not your business’

Loweaugen: so i’m waiting for dinner

Loweaugen: and i hope i get to argue

Loweaugen: and i’m mad at her

Loweaugen: and i’m mad at my sister, who will go back to school a tragic hero and get everything she wants from my mom

Loweaugen: i’m mad at myself for being angry she’s coming back because i dont have to listen to her music blaring and i dont have to clean up the bathroom after her, [disgusting stuff done to clean up after sister], or clean the bathtub of crusted soap and shaving creme after her, or realise after getting in the shower there’s no soap or shaving creme left cuz she’s used it up, or realise there’s no toilet paper left, and even if i wait a few days she’ll never get more shaving creme, or soap, or toilet paper, or another lightbulb for one that’s burned out, i’ll always end up doing it.

Loweaugen: and that i dont want her to come home because i dont want to see her get my mom sad, or yell at my dad, or roll her eyes at la, or smear her makeup all over the counter, or not eat anything and my mom act like it’s ok, or be a stupid vegetarian and never eat what we eat and always eat microwave food, or always eat as fast as possible, roll her eyes and leave in a huff, or sit in a pissy mood while everyone else is trying to be happy.

Loweaugen: but i’m tired of trying to get people to listen, i dont care. they can worship elizabeth if they want…

[....]

[person]: if I could make her stop being a teenager, I would

Loweaugen: i’m a teenager. i have been a teenager. i was never as unconcerned with other people and the property i share with them as she is

Loweaugen: it’s not her being a teenager. it’s her not caring when other people ask her to do a little to clean up after herself

Loweaugen: that’s just being generally polite

Loweaugen: but screw her i dont care

Loweaugen: i’m going to go read

[....]

Loweaugen: grrrr….

Loweaugen: my mom just tried to use [event] as an excuse for keeping our bathroom clean

Loweaugen: OH MY GOD

Loweaugen: WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY FAMILY

Loweaugen: the bathroom being clean and [event] are not related at all!

Loweaugen: no matter if she calls it ‘a structured addition to our daily lives’ or whatever bullshit name she gives it

Loweaugen: i argued with her about it and she pretty much admitted that’s just what she was doing, too

Loweaugen: omg that pisses me off

Loweaugen: she’s been bugging us about that bathroom since we got it

Loweaugen: now she’s jumping at the chance to use this as an excuse that it has to be clean??!

Loweaugen: arghH!

Loweaugen: i feel like i’m trapped in a world if idiots!!

Loweaugen: and they’re all related to me!!

Loweaugen: i just want to tear out my hair i’m so frustrated

Loweaugen: i’m standing here SCREAMING the obvious and NOBODY IS LISTENING

Loweaugen: why cant i stop caring??!

Loweaugen: why cant i just say ‘screw my sister they can do what they want’… and really really mean it??!

Loweaugen: and let her be fucked

Loweaugen: arghhh arghhhh

so see?

it’s funny in a demented kind of way the way my posts can change attitude so quickly… *sigh* oh well.

most of you people like or have no opinion on my sister, but i dont care. i’m venting anyway. i need it. badly. before i hurt somebody.

grrrr

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