Written by Emma on November 30th, 2003

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this is my formal forfeit from life. i give up, etc etc. mostly because it keeps going, i cant keep up, and i keep screwing everyone, including myself, over. i’m not going to commit suicide, i’m just going to stop caring. of course, i’ve tried this before, and failed, so i’m sure i will again.

Song of the Emotion: ‘War On Drugs’ – Barenaked Ladies (lyrics, download)

note: this is unrelated to the topics mentioned below

i broke up with ian last night. yes, it was out of the blue. i dont think it would have worked in the end, and the longer i dated him the harder it would have been on him when we broke up. yes, i’m aware i’m evil, but as hard as it is to believe, i’m not trying to be evil, i just manage very well to be so anyway.

this friday i got up at 4:50 to go shopping. my mom and i bundled up and headed to best buy to try and get me a monitor. we lined up outside at quarter to six in the freezing cold behind about 300 people. the monitors were long gone before we got there. we headed to frys. i got a monitor, it’s a 17″ hyundai flat screen, and i’m very happy with it except that it has 3 dead pixels. luckily we got like a 3 year warrenty for 20$ so frys has to take it back and give me a new one. i also got chicago, the animatrix, an enya cd, and the new barenaked ladies cd. ian met us there at 9 and he got a usb hard drive and a new techno cd. we had lunch at chipotle and had lunch, then hung out at my house till he had to go home.

on saturday i got up at 9 and had lunch with drewish from 12-3. or 12-2. or something like that. it was fun, we talked a long time about everything from abortion to old friends and back to women whose babies got stabbed halfway through being born by the doctor, who then rapes the lady (who cant fight him off because she’s had a spinal epidural and has her legs tied in those stirrups), and then takes her kidneys, leaving her in a dark room in an ice bath. and of course, her husband, who watched his baby get stabbed and his wife get raped while yelling loudly in protest and then was given a neck epidural by the doctor, had hot sauce poured into his nose, and was raped in every orifice before having his kidneys removed as well. we ate at chipotle, in the place they took over from blockbuster.

last night a movie night at pablo’s house. it was fun and it was hell. i’m fucked enough i can do both at the same time. i spent the night and i probably shouldnt have, but eh.

our heat went out today. i arrived home to find my mom and stepdad in the kitchen with the oven on and the oven door open. it was freezing in the house. colder inside than out. it’s fixed now.

i fell sleep after arriving home, wrapped in many sheets, and had long complex dreams involving every friend i think i’ve ever had. the dreams were sad and happy at the same time, and confusing. mostly i was happy with all my friends there together.

i’m supposed to be writing my essay for tulsa right now, but i really cant think right now, my brain is too full, or too empty. as you can tell by my very sparce post, i’m not in a writing mood at all.

Song of the Emotion: ‘Next Time’ – Barenaked Ladies (lyrics, download)

the title of today’s post is based on pablo’s dvd player. thats what it says when nothing is playing, and now it’s eternally burned into my brain, so i thought I’d share it with you.

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